Sunday, September 17th - Confirmation and Ministry

Some of my earliest memories are either of church or of music. Many involve both. I had a toy piano that I taught myself to play "Jesus Loves Me" on, my mother taught my sister and I some old hymns, and I was in the church's children's choir from a young age. I had a cassette of Bible songs that I listened to often. I was so excited when we got a piano, even though it was an enormous, unwieldy upright that I wouldn't want to touch today.

When I was about 13, I started taking piano lessons from our church pianist who let me play preludes and offertories for church services on occasion. When I was in high school, I started playing the piano for one of the elementary Sunday school classes who started their classes with a few worship songs. Before my senior year of high school, I went to a conference for church music where I was introduced to some basic music theory. I was fascinated and I knew from that moment that I wanted to be a college music theory professor.

I got several scholarships to a small Baptist college in the Texas panhandle. My theory classes were a breeze and my dream of being a college professor seemed to get closer every day. On the side, I worked as a church pianist and I accompanied voice lessons. In 2006 I took the next step in achieving my dream and started my Master's degree at Texas State University.

That's when my dream began to unravel. I saw a larger picture of collegiate music theory and there was a lot of in-fighting and general snobbery. I wanted to reach my students on their level - I wrote my Master's thesis on using popular music to teach students sight singing and ear training and was told by more than one professor that we shouldn't "stoop to their level." I loved my students and I didn't consider using familiar music to teach them "stooping." When it was time to apply for PhD programs, I met with a man who is considered one of the leading sight-singing/ear training pedagogues in the country. I thought if I studied with someone who had a passion for teaching, he would understand my passion for teaching. But even he said that couldn't be my focus.

I was crushed. All I wanted was to make music understandable and accessible to people. I thought teaching college music theory was a way to do that but the deeper I got into that world, the further away that goal seemed to be. I decided to put off the PhD while I figured out what the next step was.

It was like drifting at sea. For so long I had known the path: get the BA, get the MM, get the PhD, teach. Now I had gotten the MM and the path abruptly stopped.

As luck would have it, my church found itself in need of a music minister around this time. When they first asked me, I said no. I was applying for community college teaching jobs around the country, looking for anything that would take me away from San Marcos. When they asked me again, I said okay. I was out of options.

I didn't love it right away. I was still applying to other jobs and hoping that something would come along and take me far, far away. During my first few weeks directing the choir, the anthems had already been selected and one of them was "Make Me a Servant" by Benjamin Harlan:

Make me a servant, Lord
Give me a willing heart
May all I do be done for you
Cleanse me and fill me anew.

Make me a servant, Lord
Give me a willing heart
Ready to go, ready to stay
Ready to always obey.

Make me a servant, Lord
Give me a willing heart
Walking in love, living by faith
Make a servant, I pray.

It was that second verse that really struck me. I was ready to go. I desperately wanted to go. I wasn't ready to stay. I turned that song into my own personal prayer. Several months later I was surprised to realize how much I was enjoying my job.

In 2013 I became the music minister at St. George's Episcopal Church. Two years later, I wrote a setting of the Lord's Prayer and the rector encouraged me to write settings of the other service music. Since then I have written settings of the Gloria, Sanctus, Kyrie, Agnus Dei, Doxology, Fraction, Trisagion, and Gospel Alleluia. I hope to continue writing church music as long as I am able.

In church music, I found what I had been looking for in academia - I can help people understand music. I can help them be better performers and better listeners. For me it's an act of service. It's everything I didn't know I was preparing for my whole life - from the early days of plunking out  "Jesus Loves Me" on a toy piano, to a Master's thesis on meeting people where they are, to the blood, sweat, and tears I've poured into being a music minister these last nine years.

This summer I was awarded a scholarship to go to the Sewanee Church Music Conference in Tennessee. If I hadn't already known that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, Sewanee would have confirmed it. As it was, it lit a new fire under me. It's impossible to sing in that beautiful chapel and not be transformed.

This Sunday, September 17th, I am being confirmed in the Episcopal Church. My choir is singing "Make Me a Servant." We're using some of my service music. My heart is full.

I love the movie "Mr. Holland's Opus." At the end, the titular character reflects on his many years teaching high school music - a job he initially took as a fallback position. "It's almost funny," he says. "I got dragged into this gig kicking and screaming and now it's the only thing I want to do." Like Mr. Holland, it's amusing to me now how I resisted at first. Looking back it's obvious where it was all heading. My earliest memories are of music and church - I could hardly give my life to the one without also devoting myself to the other.

I hope to continue using my musical talents in service. I hope to continue writing music for churches. This is my dream and this is my prayer. Amen.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth
Break forth into joyous song and sing praises
Sing praises to the Lord with the lyre
With the lyre and the sound of melody
Psalm 98:4-5